The Bags of Dead Mary Sues
by Lolly
Summary: MarySues have fallen into Middleearth, literally. Fortunately, they died once coming in contact with the ground. It’s up to a few nosy Elves to search through their bags! What strange 21st century stuff will they find? Read and find out!
1. Look what I found!

Disclaimer: I guess you could say I own the characters you've never heard of, but sadly, I don't own LOTR.

A/N: I got bored. Tell me if you like it by reviewing please! Flames make me cry! It's not the best, I'll admit!

Look what I found!

"Which way was it again?" Beor asked.

"The way we're walking," Turumin answered for the thirteenth time. Beor wasn't exactly the smartest Elf in Mirkwood. Turumin still would not accept the fact they were brothers since he was much more intelligent then Beor. Much, much more intelligent.

The two were had heard a scream and a loud 'splat' noise during their archery practice and naturally gone to inspect it. Turumin had only gone in hopes of discovery something incredible and showing it off. Then maybe the Elf maiden, Almiel, that he had feelings for would talk to him without mentioning the prince. He stopped in his tracks and searched around. "I swear this has to be the-"

"Come look what I found!" Turumin turned to see Beor several yards away poking at a figure on the ground. Turumin ran over and stared down in shock. "It's dead."

It was a girl, human. Her clothing was brightly colored and strange to the two Elves. Turumin noticed her ears had many silver things in it. "Ouch," he muttered to himself. He looked back at Beor who had began looking through her bag. "Beor, Eru knows what's in there! Don't touch it!" But soon, he too was searching around the bag.

Beor picked up a strange metallic device with a string connecting it too a half circle. He poked at one of the shiny parts. Music suddenly blasted out from the half circle and he quickly threw it to the ground. He turned to his sibling. "What is 'bootylicious'?"

Turumin was too busy looking at a huge book that had thousands of pages and had the markings 'The Lord of the Rings' on the front. "Who in their right mind would read this?" He furrowed his brow and tossed it to the ground.

"Turumin! Look what this evil creature has done!" Turumin turned to Beor who was sobbing. "The poor prince was shrunk!" He held up a miniature version of the prince that clearly was never alive and made of some strange substance.

"Honestly Beor, you have no common sense." Turumin snatched the figure and tossed it in the woods.

"Ouch! Watch where you're throwing things!" a voice said. Almiel stumbled ungracefully out of a bush and Turumin's face started to turn a slight pink. To Turumin, Almiel was the most beautiful and flawless Elf in the world. Except for the fact she had quite an infatuation on Prince Legolas and Legolas was the only topic she would talk about with Turumin.

"Wh-what are you doing here? I mean, uh, this is no place for such a fair maiden as yourself," Turumin said nervously. Almiel smiled at him, which made his face almost completely red with embarrassment.

"I thought I heard someone mention the prince." She picked up the object that had hit her head. Surprise, surprise it was the Legolas figurine. "The prince is-" Almiel fainted on the stop. Turumin ran to catch he before she fell to the ground, but he was a little late.

He ran to her side. "Beor, quickly help me! Almiel's fainted!" he said in a state of panick.

"Uh, I think I need a little help myself." Turumin turned to see his brother surrounded by brightly colored vial and one was opened and the stick part of it stuck up his nose. "It smells so sweet, I accidentally sniffed to hard." He tried yanking the stick out of his nose, but it stayed in place.

Turumin scrambled to Beor and after several tugs, got the stick out of his nose and pink goo splattered everywhere. "Thanks brother," Beor said. "I thought I was done for." As Turumin went to help out Almiel, Beor opened several more vials, took out the sticks, and began smelling them.

"Almiel, are you all right?" As if on cue, she fluttered her eyes and sat up.

"These don't taste like they smell!" Beor shouted from the back.

"I'm fine." They're eye met and Turumin leaned in... "But what are we going to do about the prince!" she shouted. Turumin landed face first on the leaf covered ground. And so, he proceeded to show her that the little figure was in fact NOT the prince of Mirkwood.

Meanwhile, Beor was still sniffing the sticks of goo. Suddenly, he spotted a large glass vial with a stick on the top with the markings 'glue'. Thinking it was more of the sweet smelling stuff, he opened the lid. It was much bigger then the others and not as colorful. He inhaled...

"Silly me, thinking that was actually the prince. I suppose I wasn't paying attention. But it looks so much like him! His chiseled features, those gorgeous eyes..." Although Almiel was droning on about the prince instead of him as he would have liked, he still cherished every word that came from her rosy lips.

"Hey Turumin! You have to check this out," Beor said in a with a daze look, "the trees are all purple, and dancing!"

Please review! Pretty please with Elfies on top!


	2. Not another one!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything at all!

A/N: WARNING: This chapter might be a little to PG 13 for some! Hope you laugh!

Not another one!

Turumin walked back towards the village with the bag in his hand. He decided to leave the dead creature alone. It would be better if the spiders found her and not them. Meanwhile, Beor pranced around, saying something about the ground being made of cheese. The glue jar was still in his hands. Beside him, Almiel clutched the figure of Prince Legolas and babbled on about how she once almost saw him taking off his clothes.

"But isn't terrible that I fell out of the tree before he even removed his tunic! Oh, I was so close too," she went on. "I wonder what would have happened had he seen me! That would have been unbelievably embarrassing!"

Trying to stay calm, Turumin nodded. His brother kept twirling and dancing in front of him. Then, Beor reached down, grabbed a handful of grass, and stuck in his mouth. "This is not cheese!" he cried with disgust and spit out the grass. Turumin dodged the sloppy mess of green and his temper got the best of him. With no chance to react, he grabbed the jar from Beor and tossed it in the air.

"Noooo!" Beor screamed as the jar shattered against an oak tree. He ran over to the sticky mess of glass. With a triumphant smile, he retrieved the stick... and stuck it up his nose. He grinned at Turumin, who ignored him, and returned to his dancing.

"Turumin, have you ever met the prince?" Turumin turned to Almiel. She had said his name! His mouth gapped open in shock. She was talking about him... in a way. Even if she meant the prince, he was still amazed she had mentioned him in the conversation.

"I- I met him once. We had a small competition."

Almiel's eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around him. Her eyes were focused on him and ready to listen to every word. Turumin felt a fluttering sensation in his stomach. He wasn't sure if he was going to be sick or faint or both. He smiled to himself and they continued walking. "Well, I was on my way to the archery practice field when I happened to see Legolas. Since we were the only ones there, we decided to have a contest-"

"And Legolas won," she interrupted. "He is, of course, the best archer in Middle-earth."

Turumin cleared his throat. Legolas did win, but he didn't want her to know that. "Actually, I won-"

"Turumin!" The Elf turned to see this time he was interrupted by Beor looking above them. He too looked up to see a large object falling down on them. Right before the object hit them, he pushed Almiel and himself out of the way. It fell with a loud thump and several cracks.

With Almiel several feet from him on the ground, he stood to his feet. "Oh thank the Valar you're alright!" He heard her exclaim. But when he turned, he realized she was talking to the Legolas figure still in her hands. He sighed and went to this new figure.

"Wait!" A voice shouted and all three Elves turned to see another male Elf.

"Gildor," Turumin said to the Elf, "what are you doing here?" Gildor was one of the wisest, and oldest, Elves in Mirkwood. He was considered a hero of Elves and was even a close friend of the king. So, naturally Almiel hung around him, constantly asking questions about the prince that he never answered.

Gildor smirked at the Elf. "You look angry." Turumin was. Gildor would probably get the credit for finding the corpse from earlier if they returned with him. Worse, Almiel would spend all her time asking him questions about Legolas. "What have you got there?" He went to the figure behind Turumin who then followed.

Again, it was another dead girl. This was unnaturally pale with black on her eyes and black lips. Her hair was also oddly purple. The clothes she wore were dark with silver chains and spikes. Gildor quickly turned his attention to Beor. This girl also had a bag, that he was currently digging through. Instead of scolding the young Elf, Gildor joined him. Turumin glared at the two.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Almiel with the Legolas doll. She was trying to rip off its cloth tunic. "I wonder if this thing is accurate..." he heard her say to herself. Disturbing...

Meanwhile, Beor pulled out a small black jar. He smiled in delight. Another smelly stick, perhaps? When he opened it and took a whiff, he found it in fact was not a smelly stick. "Maybe it's some type of writing ink," Gildor offered in a know-it-all tone. Beor shrugged and tossed the jar behind him, almost hitting Turumin.

Turumin grumbled an insult that his brother ignored and walked to where Almiel was. The bag from the first dead girl was open beside her. In one hand, she grasped the Legolas doll and in the other, a strange box. "What's that?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. She opened the box to find square packets. At that moment, Gildor strolled over.

"Maybe I can be of some help," he said and snatched the box from her. One of the packets fell down beside her. Gildor looked in shock at the box. "Why, this language died hundreds of years ago! Luckily, I know how to read it," he said with a proud smile. As he began to inspect the box, reading the outside and whatever place with words that he could find, Almiel picked up the discarded packet.

Carefully setting the Legolas doll in her lap, she open the packet. She took out what seemed to be a finger from a glove stretched out and made of some material. She held it up by the nails of her fingers, not daring to get her skin of the weird object. She and Turumin stared at the thing, perplexed.

Just then, Gildor finished his inspection of the box and stared in horror at Almiel holding the foreign object. "Don't!" he cried out and hit the thing out of her nails several yards away and onto the ground with the box. He threw the box into the forest and sighed in relief.

"What was it?" Almiel asked frantically as she grabbed the Legolas figure and stood up.

"Was it dangerous?" Turumin asked hurriedly.

"Yes," Gildor replied, a little paler then before, "terribly dangerous. If you ever see something like that again, get rid of it! Forget you ever even saw it!" He shooed the two Elves away before going back to the object and stomping it into the ground. Who knows what chaos would happen if they knew...

"Uh, can someone help?" The two went over to see Beor tugging at the stick in his nose.

"Not again," Turumin grumbled. He went and tried to pull at the stick. It didn't budge. It tried again, pulling harder.

"Ouch!" Beor shouted and pushed Turumin off him.

"I was just trying to help," Turumin said in his defense.

Gildor, back from his battle with the deadly object, looked up at the stick lodged up in Beor's nose. "It seems to be sticking to his skin," he concluded. He gave the Elf a baffled look. "How did it get up there in the first place?" Beor just shrugged. "Well, we must wait until we return to the village to bother with it, or it could damage his nose permanently."

"I don't care," Beor piped up. Gildor raise his eyebrows at him and Turumin put his head in his hands. Sometimes Turumin wondered if his brother understood what anyone meant at all.

"Can we leave now?" Almiel said in a worried voice. She was nervous being near that object she found, and the whole situation of girls falling from the sky was getting a little unnerving too.

They all agreed to leave this body alone, but took the bag. Maybe the two had some sort of link to one another. So, with Turumin and Gildor each carrying a bag, Almiel holding the Legolas doll close, and Beor playing with the stick protruding from his nose, they left. Not knowing what more strange events would befall them... Literally.

A/N: Kinda gross, huh? I don't know how I came up with it! Please review and NO flames!


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